Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Mars rover lobs insult at Akin over “legitimate rape” comment
8/21/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
Curiosity, the famed Mars rover currently exploring our neighboring red planet, took a moment earlier today to make history as the first robot to ever put forward a political statement. NASA officials say the rover made itself fully autonomous during its Martian graffiti exploits, and that technicians were incapable of regaining control until the robot made its statement, etched into the Martian landscape forever.
Curiosity, using a laser beam mounted in its head assembly that it usually uses to zap rocks, wrote out a brief statement on the surface of Mars regarding Senate candidate and current Congressman Todd Akin (R-MO), who recently made headlines when he claimed that women forced to endure what he calls “legitimate rape” rarely get pregnant, because, quote, “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
The rover's statement was short, but brutal. The message read: “Rover does not understand. What is legitimate rape? Rover knows that Akin is a legitimate jellyfish. Go frog yourself, dumb apple! Rover thinks you are a dill. Rover is robot and smarter than you, dill jellyfish dumb apple!”
“We believe he was trying to say `legitimate jerk-off' and `go fuck yourself, dumb ass,' but his auto-correct kicked in,” said one NASA official we spoke with over the phone. “It also made him say `dill' instead of `dick,' as far as we can tell anyway. Even NASA, with all of our awesome technology, can't fix how stupid auto-correct is. It's pretty tragic.”
NASA says they'll be uploading a software patch/ update to prevent Curiosity from taking control of himself in the future, hoping it may curb more political statements from being made in the future. PTP is working around the clock, however, to see if we can have the Mars rover contribute occasionally on this website as a columnist. Oh, what's that CNN? You have holograms? Well PTP has a robot contributor, so screw you! - Return to Previous Page
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