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Hurricane Isaac agrees to avoid GOP convention if Akin drops senate bid
8/23/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
Hurricane Isaac, which is tearing through the Caribbean today and may be on a collision course with Tampa during the Republican National Convention next week, revealed during a press release earlier this evening that he will intentionally miss “the parts of Florida anyone cares about” if Congressman Todd Akin (R-MO) drops his senate bid.
“I was deeply offended and saddened by Congressman Akin's remarks regarding rape and abortion,” said the hurricane, who reached out to the media via email. “I was planning on visiting Mexico instead, because the whole hurricane-in-Florida thing has been done before. But now I'm not entirely sure what I want to do.”
Hurricane Isaac did explain to Floridians, and the rest of America, what it would take to stop him from ramping up to a larger hurricane and assaulting Tampa. “I expect Todd Akin to formally apologize, not in a a brief ad spot, but a real, genuine apology. He needs to resign his congressional seat immediately, and drop out of his Senate race against Senator Claire McCaskill. I'd also like to see MTV start airing music videos again, but I'll take what I can get.”
The GOP says they're taking every precaution possible to prevent serious damage or injuries during the hurricane, should Isaac decide to strike. Many are concerned that the more radical elements of the Republican party, who are opposed to abortion even in the instances of rape, might say something stupid in support of Congressmen Akin, though party officials have assured the public that such statements are being strongly advised against, at least until Isaac passes and the GOP can resume their traditional anti-abortion positions. - Return to Previous Page
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