Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Poll shows that Obama is winning female voters, sky is blue, “A” is a letter
9/1/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
Lifetime television, a network that usually focuses less on politics and more on making viewers cry about the relationships of perfect strangers, released a new poll on Thursday that shows that female voters overwhelmingly support President Obama over Mitt Romney. Their polling data also states conclusively that the sky is blue during the daytime, 5+5 = 10, “A” is a letter in the alphabet, and other horrifically-obvious things.
“We're new to political polling, so we tried to ask easier questions to make sure our numbers were accurate,” said Lifetime television President Nancy Dubuc. “We know what our target demographics are, too... single women with cats that have a hard time finding dates, older gay guys with scarfs, elderly people and infants that are unaware of what channel they're watching, house pets that were left home alone with the TV on and stepped on the remote... ours isn't the most `politically-savvy' audience in television.”
Dubuc says that Lifetime's poll was done to determine whether her network should make a made-for-television-movie about Michelle Obama. “The poll showed us resoundingly that we need to make this movie. Our staff is arguing over whether or not to dramatize a scene where she gets kidnapped by a former lover and carried off to a tropical paradise for the second act, but we definitely know we want to make a movie about her, and her arms.”
Meanwhile, the Romney campaign was infuriated by the poll. “We know Lifetime is totally in the bag for Obama, just like the rest of the liberal media,” said Romney Campaign Manager Matt Rhoades. “We realize women, black people, and pretty much every other minority aren't voting for us. You don't need to rub it in with poll after poll after poll. We understand that Mitt Romney is one of the whitest men in America... but we're working on fixing that. And if there's one thing we know about Mitt Romney, it's that he can change any position at any time with little or no warning!” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|