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Romney to personally fund second GOP convention in October
9/7/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock
GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney will allegedly spend as much as $80 million of his own personal money to host a second Republican National Convention before the election in November. The news comes after many analysts and pundits declared victory for Democrats in the battle of which party held the best and most entertaining convention.
According to campaign insiders, Romney was “heartbroken” and “devastated” by the Republican National Convention. The former Massachusetts governor allegedly went on a two-day Coca Cola bender shortly after wrapping up the RNC, “sometimes staying up at night until well past 9 pm” by one eyewitness account. After the DNC concluded last night, however, Romney reportedly “lost it completely,” eating doughnuts and saying vile swear words like “heck,” “shucks,” and “women voters.”
Sources claim that Romney is eying October 16th, 17th, and 18th for the event, which will take place in his hometown of Detroit, Michigan. Campaign staff have been tasked with quickly organizing the event, and are racing to find a suitable location to hold it at. However, many are questioning whether Detroit would be a safe town to hold the event in, since it's basically a cesspool of crime, despair, body odor, failure, and crummy professional sports teams.
Team Romney is also reportedly struggling to find speakers and musical guests to fill the makeshift convention's schedule. A number of bands have already refused Romney's offers, and countless speakers have also turned him down. However, Romney is said to be persistently pursuing guests, repeatedly noting to campaign staff that, quote, “everyone has their price.” - Return to Previous Page
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