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Romney launches “Revise America” campaign, refuting fact-checkers
9/9/2012 9:57 PM Matt Rock -
Next week, Mitt Romney's presidential campaign will be doubling-down on their efforts to discredit fact-checkers, and facts themselves, with the launch of their new “Revise America” ad campaign. The campaign of TV and radio spots will focus on proving to the American people that credible facts are totally bias and in the tank for President Obama.
“Mitt Romney has a bold new vision for America. You might call him a revisionist, even,” said Romney Campaign Manager Matt Rhoades. “Socialists... I'm sorry, I mean `liberals' look at the past, and feel that history is doomed to repeat itself. We look at the past and say `hey America, are you thirsty? Here's some lemonade!' Don't you want to live in an America that doesn't outlaw lemonade? Obama wants to ban lemonade!”
We asked Rhoades what facts the Romney campaign hopes to revise. “Look, let's talk off the record for a moment. Why are you still writing this? Did you hear me say `off the record?' Oh, you're, writing a recipe for cookies? Good. So anyway, look at trickle-down economics. Republicans have been trying it for over thirty years now. We know for a fact that in the short-term, it boosts wealth for those that have it, stifles wealth for those that don't, and slows the economy to the point where it starts recession after recession. But do the voters need to know that? Absolutely not! They don't want to be bored with math and science and facts. They want to vote for the candidate they can drink a beer with. Sure, Mitt doesn't drink beer, and Obama drinks so much beer you could call him an alcoholic without Rachel Maddow throwing a hissy fit, but that's not the point!”
Rhoades confirmed that he was back on the record before continuing. “Fact-checkers make the Romney campaign look bad. Sure, they `claim' their neutrality, but how can they be neutral if they spend every waking moment calling Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan liars? That doesn't sound very nonpartisan to me, no sir. If the American people elect Mitt Romney as their president, he'll do away with statistics, and data, and history books, and math. Who needs it? Bill Clinton talks about `arithmetic,' but we all know he's a total square! Who would you rather vote for? Your high school math teacher, or a party animal like Mitt Romney? You can do the math on that one!” - Return to Previous Page
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