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Obama out-raises Romney, but Clinton raises more than both without trying
9/10/2012 8:45 PM Matt Rock
President Obama's reelection campaign managed to narrowly beat out GOP nominee Mitt Romney's fundraising efforts in August, hauling in $114 million to Romney's 111.6 million. But while this news might seem rather positive for Obama, other news shows that the result is actually quite grim for both candidates, after former President Bill Clinton managed to raise a staggering $238 million in August, beating out the fundraising of both Obama and Romney combined.
“We aren't really sure how this happened, but it's definitely troubling,” said Obama Campaign Manager Jim Messina, while speaking with the press earlier this evening. “Bill Clinton isn't even running in 2012. The Constitution forbids it. He doesn't have a campaign staff, or any legally-recognized fundraising infrastructure, and yet somehow he's managed to raise more than the two actual candidates. It's a pretty bad sign. It wasn't bad enough that Clinton's speech was way better than Obama's. Now we have to get out-raised by him, too!”
The fundraising figures from the Obama and Romney campaigns denote all funds raised in the month of August, from the 1st through the 31st. But Bill Clinton's fundraising didn't begin until August 30th, the morning after his electrifying speech at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina. This means Clinton managed to raise more in two days than both candidates combined could raise in thirty-one.
“The morning after Clinton's speech, the phone was ringing off the hook,” said an aide to former President Clinton. “All of these people were calling in, donating every penny they could and insisting Bill run for president again. Some people were going so far as to demand a Monarchy, with Bill as our King. Husbands were offering their wives as sex slaves, and women were saying they didn't care who Bill slept with, as long as he fixed the country again like he did back in the nineties. It was crazy!”
It remains unclear whether Clinton will hand over the funds donated to him, helping the Obama campaign win in 2012, or whether he'll hire a team of constitutional scholars, lawyers, and lobbyists to see if there's any way he can become president again. Others speculate that Clinton will probably blow the funds on Big Macs and a year-round Mardi Gras celebration in his home. - Return to Previous Page
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