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Tea Party takes back America - asks about return policy
8/1/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
The Tea Party announced today that they have succeeded in their central goal: they have taken back America. Minutes later, Party leaders, in what appeared to be an admission that they may have acted hastily, were inquiring about the possibility of returning America for a full refund.
An embarrassed Tea Party spokesman, commenting for this story on condition of anonymity because he doesn’t want anyone to know who he is, told PTP, “Yeah, we Tea Partiers were all about taking back America, but I guess no one really thought that one through. As soon as we took it back we realized that America is like this total fixer-upper. So now we’re hoping those guys we took America back from will, you know, take America back, back.”
The spokesman went on to say that the Tea Party wouldn’t necessarily insist on a full refund for America even though they still have the receipt and have not even taken America out of the box yet. “Look, we’d probably go for in-store credit at this point. I mean, we tried unloading America on E-bay, but no dice. We got excited when the Chinese asked if there was a buy-it-now price for Kansas, but that was as far as it went. Kansas? Seriously?”
The Tea Party continued their policy of refusing to name the people from whom they were taking back America in the first place, but Native American organizations confirmed that it wasn’t them. Black Eagle Pierce, speaking for the Native American Leadership Council, ruled out his people. “Look, the White Man took America from us long ago and as far as we’re concerned, it’s his problem now. Whoever’s running the show these days, as long as they hit the casinos, we’re good.”
At press time, The Tea Party spokesman indicated that the party had still not unloaded America on E-bay, and the Craig's List ad they had created was not generating much interest. “It looks like we really took it in the shorts on this one. But we learned our lesson. Next time, we’re going to take back a country with more of an upside. I hear Greece may be available.” - Return to Previous Page
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