Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Romney to meet with hurricane Sandy, offer bribe ahead of November election
10/26/2012 10:57 AM Matt Rock
The Romney campaign has penciled in a rather questionable meeting for this weekend, sitting down presidential candidate Mitt Romney with a hurricane – hurricane Sandy, to be precise – just ahead of the presidential election on November 6th. Sources say Romney will offer a “substantial bribe” to the hurricane in the hopes of having the 2012 elections affected in his favor.
“Mitt is scheduled to meet hurricane Sandy sometime Saturday evening. He's flying out for the meeting, and it could take a couple of hours,” said one Romney campaign insider that we definitely didn't pay for the scoop, and good luck proving otherwise because we used cash... or didn't, I mean. “To be honest, this whole thing has left me questioning my allegiance to this campaign. I support Mitt Romney on his merits, as a flip-flopping he-man-woman-hater. But rigging elections? You expect this sort of thing from Tagg Romney, but not from Mitt.”
Romney will allegedly offer Sandy as much as $1 million USD, with a promise to let Sandy return as a different-named hurricane in 2013 and wreak havoc in Florida if he wins the election. In return for this, Sandy would need to travel north, ramping up power along the East Coast before striking the liberal stronghold of the Northeast on November 6th. This would, in theory, keep voters from heading to their polling stations that day, giving Romney a stronger chance of winning the election against President Obama, whose polling numbers have been steadily increasing in the wake of his two stellar debate performances.
“The discussion here at Romney headquarters has been, `what do you even bribe a a hurricane with?' And the answer is money. With Mitt, the answer is always money,” said another anonymous source. “We don't know what a hurricane could do with a million dollars, but I guess we're about to find out. If Sandy shows up in New York with lots of bling and swag, though, we'll know what happened.” - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.