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A brief PTP analysis of top-contender GOP Presidential hopefuls
8/11/2011 9:30 AM Staff -
With the 2012 Presidential election a little more than 16 months away, Republican hopefuls are positioning themselves in the hopes of somehow "standing out" from among the (so far) sixteen announced candidates. The following is an assessment of a few of the prospective nominees.
Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, architect of a Health Care bill remarkably similar to one credited to President Obama's (or vice-versa), is the early front-runner, at least according to polls. At a recent campaign rally, Romney shocked the crowd by whipping off his blindingly white Geoffrey Beene dress shirt, only to reveal a prominent red dot on his chest. When asked about it, Romney replied, "Well, I am a Mormon." Later, an aide explained the red dot was from years of being poked in the chest by homeowners unhappy to be disturbed at dinner time.
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, the darling of the Tea Partiers, explained why she had switched her political affiliation from Democrat to Republican during her senior year at college. "Well, to be honest, I couldn't put up with any more Pink Floyd and Grateful Dead."
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, still plagued by the dreaded "Foot-in-Mouth" affliction, declined requests for an interview, stating he was already late for an appearance at a Victoria's Secret-sponsored fundraiser. He did say however, "I hear it's gonna be wall-to-wall hotties."
U.S. Representative Ron Paul from Texas continued to demonstrate his unmatched multi-tasking abilities during a recent campaign swing through his home state. The former physician dazzled audiences, deftly taking reporters questions while simultaneously performing, in order: An appendectomy, a prostrate exam, and writing five prescriptions.
Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty appears at times to be channelling former President George W. Bush, a sure-fire winning strategy. Unavailable for interviews, the media remains confused about Pawlenty's rumored campaign slogan, "Good 'n Pawlenty in 2020." - Return to Previous Page
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