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Senate attempts to order takeout
8/7/2011 3:00 PM Katie
On Saturday night the Senate attempted to order takeout. While the suggestion was merely an attempt to avoid vending machine food and make the late night work sessions somewhat more palatable, attempts to actually order food soon derailed the entire debate.
Democrats unanimously voted to order Chinese food, but Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell insisted that it would be inappropriate to give even more American money to foreign interests. In defense of the Democrats’ decision, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid made a passionate speech, explaining that the United States is a nation of immigrants. Unfortunately for the Democrats, by the end of the 90-minute-long speech, the only restaurant open in the delivery area was a Pizza Hut.
Senator Rand Paul insisted that they should not be forced to all contribute equally to the pizza fund when, as Paul said, “We all know that some of us are only going to eat one slice and some of us — I’m looking at you, Harry Reid — are going to try to eat a whole pie by ourselves.” Paul then put forth that if they all must contribute equally, they should each get a P’Zone.
In a rare show of bi-partisan support, Republicans and Democrats voted down Paul’s idea. As McConnell put it, “No one wants the frickin’ P’Zones, Rand.”
Reid then requested that everyone write down his or her toppings of choice. After an hour of staffers attempting to organize the choices, and seven Senators insisting that it would not be okay if there were anchovies on any of the pizzas, Reid announced that they were ordering 300 pepperoni pizzas. He went on to say, “It’s 3 am, we’re tired, we’re hungry, and anyone who doesn’t like it can go whine to the media, but this is what we’re doing.”
An unnamed Democratic Senator then announced that he was a vegetarian, and therefore it would violate his ethics not only to consume meat, but also to contribute to purchasing it.
McConnell then walked out to go home and eat leftovers. - Return to Previous Page
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