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GOP announces first ever “god-off”/ debate
8/11/2011 3:00 PM Alyson
The Republican National Committee announced it will host its first “God-off”/ debate and Jesus jamboree in October. The event will be co-sponsored and hosted by the Christian Broadcasting Network. Mike Huckabee, former governor, presidential candidate, minister and now FOX News cable host will moderate.
“I was so excited when I heard about this event. While it is clear that all Republicans love God, voters need to know how much. Which Presidential candidate has the closest relationship with Jesus?” said Governor Huckabee, “If I had known this would be a part of the 2012 cycle, I might have stayed in the race longer because as a minister, it’s pretty clear that I am tight with God.”
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann took time out from attending a “pray away the gay” symposium with her husband, Marcus, to issue a statement of her support. “This is a long-overdue event. My relationship with Jesus is rock solid,” Bachmann’s statement read. “My faith in God is so strong that I followed his advice when he told me to marry Marcus, a man for whom I had no love. But Jesus signed my yearbook. I take it everywhere I go.”
Governor Tim Pawlenty’s campaign was quick to respond to Congresswoman Bachmann’s statement. “Congresswoman Bachmann likes to show off her yearbook, but all Jesus wrote was ‘Have a great summer! - Jesus,’ and we all know what that means,” said Pawlenty in a written statement, “I am clearly more in tune with God.”
Participants will be asked to recite Biblical verses (audience members will pick which ones), use scripture to disavow any scientific data such as global warming or evolution, and in a lightning round, describe how they will prepare the nation for the rapture. Bonus points will be awarded for the candidate most able to prove God loves rich people, low taxes, and the balanced budget amendment. The only “facts” that will be required will be ones from the Bible, and some allowances will be made for different versions.
Governors Jon Hunstman and Mitt Romney seemed to be on the same wavelength as both campaigns released the same statement, “I am delighted to have the opportunity to discuss my faith with the American people. It will be a joy to describe the golden tablets and the reasons God waited until the 1970s to admit black people are actually people.” - Return to Previous Page
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