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PTP reporters unfairly required to know facts from fiction
10/18/2011 9:30 AM Floyd Harden -
Pardon the Pundit reporters today learned that, effective immediately, they will be required to have a working knowledge of the “truth” when lying about politicians in articles they submit for this publication. This new, hard line journalistic standard comes from the office of Greg, the PTP publisher affectionately known to many as the head janitor.
Therefore, in order to assist a group of writers who would rather just make stuff up than research the topics they write about (and whose creative output is stymied by the prospect of actual work almost as much as by a refrigerator empty of beer), the editorial staff is developing a list that differentiates facts from fiction as they apply to well-known political figures. What follows are the first three entries on that list.
President Barack Obama
Fact: The President was born in Hawaii. The Birthers need to accept this and go after Obama for, of all things, being born in Hawaii. The man was born in Hawaii for chrissakes! It’s not like that’s a real State.
Fiction: Obama is the first African American President. Okay, technically, this one is true. But don’t tell Michelle. After listening to Rush, Glenn, and the rest of the Far Right Loony Tunes crowd, she thinks she wakes up every morning next to an Indonesian, Kenyan, Chinese Antichrist with a third nipple.
Speaker of the House John Boehner
Fact: Boehner cries a lot. True, John Boehner is a sensitive man who cares deeply about certain things - the rich, for instance. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be tough when he has to be. Just ask the millions of Americans living below the poverty line. Oh yeah, John Boehner can be plenty tough.
Fiction: Boehner admires Obama’s hopeful, soaring eloquence. Nope. The Speaker admires Ronald Reagan’s optimistic, folksy eloquence. He hates Obama’s hopeful, soaring eloquence. Why? Because unlike Obama, Reagan isn’t around to take Boehner behind the rhetorical woodshed when Boehner twists the Gipper’s words to fit whatever lame-brained policy the Right is touting this week. But don’t worry, when Obama is gone, the Left will reinvent him the same way the Right has reinvented Reagan. And that’s why we predict that someday, Obama will be a great President, too.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi
Fact: Nancy Pelosi is the most hated politician in America. Correct. Sure, Pelosi, as House Speaker, lead a Congress that accomplished big things, like Health Care and Financial Reform, but she made one critical mistake that the public will never forgive her for – she was born with boobs. The old axiom holds true: Boobs can succeed in Washington as long as they’re not attached to a strong woman.
Fiction: Nancy Pelosi is the most hated politician in America. Okay, we just reported this one as fact, but we forgot about Hillary Clinton, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. No worries. We’ll get to those three and many other boobs as the list grows. - Return to Previous Page
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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
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