Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Gas leak beneath George W. Bush's Texas home leads to revelations about 43rd Presidency
8/24/2011 9:40 AM Matt Rock
(DALLAS, TX) Former President George W. Bush was rushed to an emergency room this morning after a gas leak sprang up beneath his stately home in the ultra-swanky Preston Hollow neighborhood of Dallas, Texas. Authorities say the 65-year old former “Decider in Chief” was unharmed during the ordeal, though reports from the hospital do indicate that President Bush “was definitely pretty high” when he arrived in the ER.
“Mr. Bush had inhaled a pretty hefty dose of whatever the gas was,” said Dallas Police Chief Harry Musdash. “We aren't sure if it was methane, or natural gas, or something else. But you'd think he'd just taken laughing gas or something. When our officers arrived on the scene, Bush was bouncing around in the buff in his front yard, singing old Yale songs and slamming that gross, non-alcoholic beer of his. It was a sight to behold.”
Police, joined by Secret Service agents, attempted to secure the former President to prevent him from potentially harming himself or others, until an ambulance arrived to take Bush to an undisclosed local hospital. Shortly thereafter, anonymous sources say Bush began to spout random bits of information about his Presidency, many of which had stunned hospital staff, police officers, and other onlookers.
“He rather nonchalantly admitted that Iraq was `all about the oil,' that he `sometimes snuck a doobie' into the Oval Office, and that he `slept through most of Katrina,'” said one anonymous hospital staffer. “Then he started talking about how he hid whoopee cushions all over the oval office, cackling in that signature laugh of his, you know, `heh-heh-heh,' and saying that he wished he could have seen the faces of foreign... I think he meant to say `dignitaries'... when President Obama would inadvertently fart whenever he sat down.”
Another anonymous source said that Bush had also made a few revelations about then-Vice President Dick Cheney. “I said to him `Mr. President, please sit still,' to which he replied `no way man, the last time I sat still, Cheney took the skin off his arm to show me his robot hand. You know that movie Terminator 2? It was just like that!' he wouldn't stop talking about Cheney. He said he was `the meanest boss ever' and that `Cheney totally meant to shoot that guy in the face.' What really scared me was when he said that Cheney had shot more than one person in the face while they were in office. I had only ever heard about the one.”
Authorities say that former President Bush was uninjured during the event, and was released a few hours later. The Secret Service has taken Bush back to his Crawford, Texas ranch while authorities investigate the leak beneath the Preston Hollow estate. Fox News is expected to produce a two-hour special about the gas leak, reportedly defining it as a terrorist attack at the hands of liberals, illegal immigrants, and President Obama. - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.