Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Jon Huntsman reacts to poll numbers, shows he’s not dead
9/6/2011 9:35 AM Alyson Durden -
In a rare moment of candor, Governor Jon Huntsman showed a level of energy most people didn’t think he had when he let lose a tirade about how upset he is that his numbers remain at around one percent while newcomer Governor Rick Perry has skyrocketed to the top of the field.
“Seriously, what the F*&^ is that about? I have been out on the campaign trail for months showing people my temperate nature and full understanding of the challenges facing our nation. I am the clear voice of reason, and don’t people realize he is bats&*( insane? I mean, he doesn’t believe in science? Evolution is in play? Didn’t we deal with this issue like a hundred years ago? I may wear special, magical underwear under my clothes but even I believe in evolution,” said the Governor, shaking his fist and looking more energized than reporters had ever seen. His hissyfit continued, “And you know, the people of China LOVE me. Given our debt to that nation, I think that should be more of an issue. And that guy is awfully mean. I was with him back stage at a debate and he said if I crossed him, he would bite me. How is that a rational response?”
The Perry campaign dismissed the governor’s comments in a written statement. “Governor Huntsman is clearly just a bitter man, talk about sour grapes. HIs message is wrong for the country. After all he worked for President Obama, can we really tell where his loyalties lie? Will he sell us out to his Chinese friends? The American people need to know their president is a decent Christian who firmly believes in bringing faith back to the process. Many experts have written about flaws in the evolution theory -- and it is just a theory, unlike the Bible that is clearly historical fact. As for the biting comment, Governor Perry is clearly willing to do whatever it takes to win this, and if biting helps get his message, that is clearly resonating with the nation, so be it. It’s not like he has rabies though he remains skeptical that ‘modern medicine’ is based on anything but the same flawed theories as evolution.”
Some conservative commentators weighed in. “I don’t know why Perry even addressed this nonsensical man. Will he issue statements every time a fly buzzes by? This is a fundamentally Christian, right-leaning country and the GOP has no need for someone as rational as Huntsman. We need firey passion and a full faith in the Bible, that is what will bring us through this desert that the Obama administration has brought us to,” said Pat Buchanan on “Morning Joe.”
Joe Scarborough laughed off the comment as another incidence of Buchanan “leaving the reservation for a bit.” He was reported as saying, “Everyone needs a break from the boring reservation. I admire Pat for being able to get off it every so often. More of us should have that courage.”
Liberals remained silent on this issue. One -- who asked not to be named -- replied, “You don’t get in the middle of a fight between two potential opponents. The Obama Administration has enough on its hands without getting into that mess.” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|