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Tea Party schedules protest at MLK monument, demands statues of Jesus, Reagan, others
9/2/2011 8:28 PM Matt Rock
The Tea Party is organizing a protest at the new MLK monument on the Mall in Washington DC, claiming Conservative figures aren't being adequately represented with statues, quotes, and the fanfare surrounding their openings. The protest, set to take place next weekend, will be the biggest organized event from the right-wing group this year.
“All these liberals have monuments in the National Mall,” explained Tea Party darling and GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. “Martin Luther King Jr., FDR, Thomas Jefferson, they all get monuments. But where is the statue of our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Why isn't there a good Reagan statue? We can do better. We should do better.”
The Tea Party activists organizing the rally have unveiled what they believe would be a more “fair and balanced” layout for the Mall. Their plans include placing a large Jesus statue atop the Washington monument, replacing its pyramid-shaped cap with a motor that will rotate the Jesus statue 360º. The mechanical Jesus, with his arms spread out in a fashion similar to Rio de Janeiro's famous Cristo Redentor statue, will pull his hands in to cover his eyes every time the statue rotates past the direction of the White House, though only when a Democrat and/ or a minority is in office.
Their other plans are even more controversial. “We really think they should bulldoze the National Museum of Natural History,” said Glenn Beck. “We know the earth is only 6,000 years old. Everything in that museum was planted by Communists and the cast of `Lost' in an effort to trick people into believing God has genital warts. Our solution is to knock it down, and build a 500-foot statue of Ronald Reagan there instead.
Other monuments that the Tea Party is insisting should be built include a permanent Nativity scene, memorials for Dale Earnhardt and Jerry Falwell, a gladiator ring where liberals can be pitted against each other in fights to the death, and a giant statue of the General Lee, “with Luke sliding across the hood and Bo sticking his fist out the window, as if to say `read the Constitution, Socialists!'” - Return to Previous Page
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