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Cheney’s book goes on sale – no reports of exploding heads
9/1/2011 3:01 PM Floyd Harden -
Former Vice President Dick Cheney’s new book “In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir” has been released with great fanfare, but so far has failed to deliver on Cheney’s promise to explode heads. The book, which paints a picture of Cheney as a steady, soft-spoken, thoughtful lunatic, has received attention as a result of Cheney’s exploding head promise and because Cheney has touted the memoir as “an accurate portrayal of reality from the perspective of a great American who, given the chance, would just as soon pepper your face with birdshot as waterboard your sorry ass.”
Many see the exploding head promise as strictly metaphorical but, given Cheney’s well known hatred of metaphors and his reputation for devising and carrying out ingeniously evil plans, others are unwilling to take the chance. Perry Felder, manager at the Barnes and Noble bookstore in Citrus Heights, California, explained the precautions he was taking as he set up a store display for Cheney’s book yesterday. “See this? We put a special Kevlar dust cover on each copy. And just to be on the safe side, we’re checking every customer’s head with a bomb-sniffing German Shepherd. We don’t anticipate a large number of actual head, uh, ‘events’, but in my book even one is too many.”
Fortunately, the book is expected to sell best among groups whose heads can most easily withstand the pressure buildup that is likely to occur. Neocons in particular, long known for having an abundance of empty space in their skulls, will probably breeze through Cheney’s book exactly as they breezed through the intelligence reports leading up to the invasion of Iraq - without giving the danger a second thought. - Return to Previous Page
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