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Obama raises the dead – Republicans unimpressed
9/24/2011 7:54 AM Floyd Harden
These days, it seems President Obama just can’t win. Republicans are again attacking the President after he did something that, in a less partisan era, would have been hailed as a bona fide miracle.
Here’s what happened: This morning, as the President was touring the GM assembly plant in Fort Wayne, Indiana, Felix Strand, a weld x-ray technician employed by the auto giant for over 30 years, accidentally put a Canadian dime into a candy vending machine, causing the machine to explode, killing him instantly. As Secret service agents tried to escort the President to safety, Obama broke away, rushed to Strand’s mangled body, put his hands on Strand’s chest and mumbled something in a language that sounded like Babylonian, French, or some other dead language.
A light, which witnesses described as “brighter than the high beams on the ‘09 Silverado,” seemed to pass from Obama’s fingertips directly into Strand and, for a moment, Obama’s approval ratings skyrocketed to 52%. Strand opened his eyes, coughed, licked his lips and asked in a barely audible whisper, “Who stole my Almond Joy?” Strand’s fellow workers broke into applause, the light faded and Obama’s approval ratings fell back to 40%.
When Republicans got wind of Obama’s miracle, they seized the opportunity to criticize the President. After he was told of what had taken place, House Speaker John Boehner shook his head and pretended to fight back a fake tear. “Oh for Reagan’s sake, that’s the third one this week! A nurse, a teacher and now an auto worker? When is this President going to start resurrecting important people like job creators, investment fund managers and Michele Bachmann? What? Bachmann’s not dead? That’s a matter of opinion.”
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was also less than impressed. “This last one wasn’t even white! I tell you this whole miracle business reeks of reverse discrimination!”
The Republican presidential candidates later released a joint statement condemning Obama’s actions as “just another example of Barack Obama getting between hard working Americans and their undertakers.” - Return to Previous Page
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