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Romney Proposes SHIT
9/29/2011 7:30 AM Coyle
Just a few weeks before the Republican presidential candidates square off in a debate sponsored by the Bloomberg Television in New Hampshire, Mitt Romney has proposed a new idea that he hopes will revive the momentum his campaign has lost in recent weeks to the newest presidential hopeful, Texas governor Rick Perry.
Noting the pain that wealthy individuals have suffered in the recent economic downturn, Romney has proposed a new program, the "Subsidy for High Income Taxpayers," that he has promised to implement if he becomes President.
The proposal, better known in Washington circles by its acronym SHIT, would provide generous tax credits for taxpayers in the top one percent of income earners who have been economically harmed by the recession.
"Given all the talk we have heard recently about middle-class families struggling to makes ends meet in this economy, we tend to forget all the hardships the wealthy have endured over the past few years," said Romney in a speech in Tampa.
In a particularly-revealing moment by a man not known for expressing his emotions in public, Romney described his own recent hardships as a result of the stagnant economy.
"As you may know, I submitted a building proposal several years ago to quadruple the size of my vacation home in California," said a misty-eyed Romney. "However, due to Obama's failure to manage this economy properly, I was forced to scale back my plans so that now I can only double the size of my second home. Where the hell am I supposed to put the servants' quarters now?"
Tea Party activists immediately lauded the proposal as a good first step to help beleaguered billionaires get back on their feet.
"Democrats like to claim that we fail to propose any serious policy agenda," said Dick Armey, leader of the popular Tea Party group FreedomWorks, "but we can definitely do SHIT."
When asked about new polling data suggesting that Romney's SHIT program was quite unpopular with voters, Armey responded, "That's just because they don't understand it yet. But we are going to SHIT all over the American people until they learn to love it." - Return to Previous Page
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