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Todd Palin filing for divorce from Sarah Palin, says it has nothing to do with Palin book
9/22/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
Former First Gentleman of Alaska and Champion snowmobile racer Todd Palin announced earlier this afternoon that after two decades of marriage, he will soon be filing for divorce from former half-term Governor and 2008 Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The shocking announcement came on the heels of the release of the controversial new book “The Rogue: Searching for the real Sarah Palin” by Joe McGinniss, though Todd Palin claims the divorce is based entirely on other issues.
“Sarah and I have been doing this slutty teacher, naughty student thing in the bedroom since, oh, about 1993 or so,” said Todd Palin during a live Fox News interview. “I just got bored with it, you know? I mean, it would be a lot more fun if Sarah would crack open a dictionary or something and learn a few things, because it's way hotter if the slutty teacher actually writes real facts on the chalkboard. But she doesn't do that. It really breaks the mood when I need to explain to Sarah that Benjamin Franklin wasn't actually a Communist sympathizer, or that her math problems can't contain division by zero.”
Palin did allude to his marital problems extending beyond the bedroom as well. “You think Americans are fed up with hearing `hockey mom,' 'momma grizzly,' and 'you betcha?' Imagine living with the woman for 23 years. You can't go more than five minutes in that house without hearing one of those phrases. It just got worse and worse since the '08 campaign, too. I seriously can't take it anymore. I need to go rogue. Damn it! See what I mean?”
Sarah Palin has refused to comment on her apparent pending divorce, the rumors that her advisers are warning her to not run for President, or any of the claims made by Joe McGinniss in his tell-all book. Some analysts believe that Palin may be holding off on fighting back against these issues until after she has completed her full 7th Heaven marathon, wherein she'll be watching all 243 episodes of the show sequentially. It is also believed that Todd Palin may be filing for divorce during his wife's yearly television ritual because, as numerous sources claim, Palin “shuts out the world” when she settles in to watch that series, “in ways no one has seen since she snorted all that coke off of that oil drum with Todd.” - Return to Previous Page
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