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“Sodagate” threatens to shut down government
9/26/2011 8:05 PM Floyd Harden -
Pardon The Pundit has learned the real reason the federal government is on the brink of shutting down is that Democrats and Republicans in Congress are locked in a death struggle over Coke versus Pepsi. Reports of disagreements between the two sides over FEMA money and support for green technology appear to have been a carefully-orchestrated smoke screen designed to cover up the real, behind-the-scenes fight in Washington.
The first indications of “Sodagate” bubbled up this morning when House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi let slip in a video conference call with constituents, “We wouldn’t be in this mess if Republicans had the courage to take the Pepsi challenge.”
Later in the day, House Speaker John Boehner blew the cap off Sodagate when he spoke to reporters outside his office. “I’m fed up! Last week, against my better judgment, I compromised and allowed some post office in San Francisco to be named “Sponge Bob Square Pants” because Nancy Pelosi’s grandkid spends his day parked in front of the TV watching left-wing socialist cartoons! Seriously? Sponge Bob? He’s absorbent, yellow and porous and he hates America! Whatever happened to real American cartoons like Popeye and the Roadrunner? You know, if that coyote ever catches the Roadrunner, he’s through! Anyway, this time I’m standing up for core conservative principles. If these liberal nut jobs think Republicans are going to drink Pepsi when studies show the refreshing taste of Coke killed Bin Laden, they have underestimated our resolve!”
President Obama refused to comment publicly on Sodagate, but there are reports the President favors a “grand soft drink compromise” that would make Coke the official soft drink of the universe, eliminate taxes on the rich, ban smart people, change the phrase “living in poverty” to “comfortably middle-class” and declare the entire month of October “Ronald Reagan Day.”
If Congress fails to reach a compromise and the government shuts down, federal assistance to victims of Hurricane Irene and Tropical Storm Lee would dry up and Pakistani flood victims would be forced to appreciate the irony. - Return to Previous Page
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