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New Paul Ryan proposal would “make corporations people more than people are people”
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9/28/2011 6:25 AM Matt Rock - Budget Chairman Paul Ryan announced this morning a new proposal that would, in his own words, “make corporations people more than people are people.” The proposal is said to be getting two-to-one disapproval throughout the House and Senate, with Democrats feeling it's too strong, and Tea Partiers feeling it's too weak. Republicans, however, claim the proposal is “just right.”

Ryan's proposal would take certain Constitutional rights away from American citizens, like freedom of religion, freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and the right to vote, transferring all of those rights over to corporations, which could then dole those rights out to their employees, or not, as they see fit. It would also get rid of any and all corporate taxes, as well as taxes on the wealthy, shifting that burden onto those individuals and families in the lowest two tiers of the nation's progressive tax system.

“Conservatives have been saying it for what, thirty-something years now? Corporations know best. The free markets never fail! Food producers would never have salmonella or E. coli outbreaks if the FDA weren't there sneezing all over everything. If the auto industry were free from the burden of taxes, there would never be another drunk driving accident, ever! Seatbelts are violations of the Constitution! We need to trust the free markets to give us our Constitutional rights. Government BAD! Corporations GOOD!”

Ryan's proposal follows closely on the heels of his other announced proposal, stated yesterday afternoon, to replace tax breaks for employers with refundable tax credits for individuals. A near carbon-copy of that proposal was included in the now-infamous healthcare bill that Conservatives have dubbed “Obamacare.” Though Republicans and Conservatives across the board opened fire on that plan when President Obama suggested it, Ryan claims his bill is different enough that people can get behind it.

“People were opposed to the idea when President Obama suggested it, because he's President Obama. I'm Paul Ryan. We aren't the same person. We don't even look or sound alike. Sure, the bills might be similar, almost perfectly identical actually, but one was suggested by him, and this one was suggested by me. Also, I'm proposing this so my dark Corporate overlords won't steal the soul of my virgin daughter. Obama suggested it because he thinks the nanny-state should take care of people. I think the differences are pretty clear.”
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