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Solyndra HQ discovered to be location of Al Gore's secret lair
9/29/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock
More controversy is spiraling out of California today as Solyndra, the now-defunct green technology business with shady Federal lending practices, has been revealed by authorities to be little more than a front, hiding away an incredible top-secret underground lair belonging to none other than Mr. Al Gore himself. This shocking twist in the Solyndra scandal also reveals where the company's hundreds of millions of dollars in Federal loan money had vanished to.
The stunning discovery of the massive subterranean complex beneath Solyndra's Fremont, California headquarters was made in early September, when the FBI carried out a warranted search of the building. According to anonymous sources in the Justice Department, the raid seemed to be coming up dry, until one hapless field agent decided to log into his Myspace account using an executive office's desktop computer.
“The facility was set to open its doors when someone logged into Myspace,” explained one anonymous insider. “We think the theory was that no one would ever log into Myspace, so it was a secure method of opening the secret door. No one uses Myspace anymore. It was a diabolically clever plan. Luckily for us, the agent who made the discovery, Jim, doesn't have any friends, so he never needed to get a Facebook account. That Al Gore is one tricky bastard.”
The FBI commandeered a local law enforcement SWAT team to storm the cave complex, where they discovered an awe-inspiring collection of high tech pollution-fighting gizmos. Neither Gore nor his pollution-punching sidekick, President Obama, could be found inside the Green Duo's complex, having probably escaped when the Solyndra building was raided.
According to a statement issued by the Fremont Police Department, Al Gore and his trusty ward had extensive files on several Republican figures, whom either Gore, Obama, or possibly their butler, Joe Biden, had given nicknames to. While the police have thus far refused to reveal any of those nicknames, we did manage to find one source in the Department of Energy who confirmed some of them for us.
“They'd named George Bush `The Joker,' Michele Bachmann `Catwoman,' Mitt Romney `Two-Face,' and Sarah Palin `The Riddler,' probably because of how hard she is to understand half of the time. Dick Cheney was identified as `The Penguin,' most likely due to his constant barrage of making `wah' sounds. Someone had also scrawled something on a wall akin to `Rick Perry is a big fat doo-doo face,' though we aren't sure if that's related to the duo's anti-pollution crimes fighting or not.” - Return to Previous Page
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