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Santorum switches to Dick
10/1/2011 8:46 AM Floyd Harden -
Political observers are scratching their heads today after Rick Santorum announced that, from now on, he wants to be called Dick. Santorum’s announcement, coming as it does in the midst of a presidential campaign, is puzzling to many, though an anonymous source close to the candidate believes Santorum may have good reason for switching to Dick.
According to the source, “Rick, uh, I mean, Dick just got tired of the whole google thing, so he changed his name so that when people think of him, they’ll think of Dick. Like when they see him debate next time, they’ll be all ‘Dick sure is taking a beating!’ or ‘Wow, that Dick has balls!’ or ‘Holy Crap! Did Bachmann just cut off Dick?!’ Anyway, the name sort of fits him. He’s always been a total Dick to me.”
Some have speculated that Santorum may be changing his name from Rick to Dick in order to differentiate himself from Rick Perry, though members of the press who cover Perry think he’s kind of a Dick, too.
Santorum himself tried to be nonchalant about the whole thing. “Look, I’m just glad to finally put that disgusting ‘Google Santorum’ stuff behind me. Oh, crap, what the hell am I saying? What I mean is this has been a huge pain in my rear and, ah Jeez, I did it again, didn’t I?”
A quick check of Google suggests that Santorum may have miscalculated. Now, when his new name is typed into the search engine, the same images that popped up before are joined by pictures that most Americans find even more offensive, those of the candidate himself. - Return to Previous Page
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