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RNC to host 40,000 candidate debate
10/11/2011 8:45 PM Floyd Harden
Like Republicans everywhere, the Republican National Committee is unhappy with the current field of presidential candidates. Now the RNC is doing something about it. On October 21st, every Republican in the country who wants to be President will participate in one massive debate, to be held in the Houston Astrodome. The debate, which will include some 40,000 candidates, will be moderated by 1700 livestock auctioneers and will feature strict, cattle-prod-enforced time limits. The winner of the debate will instantly be declared perfect and will take his or her place as the latest in a long line of “can’t lose” Republican candidates.
But not everybody thinks the Astrodome event will ultimately affect the race for the White House.
RNC Chairman Reince Priebus conceded this morning that, while the goal of the 40,000 candidate debate will be to find someone who can satisfy Republican primary voters, the odds of that actually happening are virtually nil. “It’s no secret that the candidates we have right now suck, but this myth about some superhero jumping into the race and saving us all from our own mediocrity doesn’t hold water. Look at (Texas Governor Rick) Perry. The man doesn’t know how to talk! Did you see that train wreck in the Florida debate? He practically crapped the bed on national television! And people want Sarah Palin to run? Would that be the same Sarah Palin who thinks Isaac Newton invented the apple? Right now, I have a pimple on my left ass cheek that’s a dozen IQ points smarter than Sarah Palin.
“Not that I’m happy with the choices we have right now. Michele Bachmann? Really? If she were President, we’d all have small pox right now. And if the country ever votes for `Creepy Guy Kids Shouldn’t Take Candy From' Ron Paul wins in a landslide."
“So we’re going to have this Astrodome debate and 40,000 more Republicans are going to show how clueless they are, and then we’re going to choose Mitt Romney anyway. And that’s okay, because whatever lame version of Romney we end up with on Election Day will still probably beat Obama. People forget this is America. We don’t pick a President based on how much we like the guy. We pick him based on how much we hate the other guy."
“Right now, I like our chances.” - Return to Previous Page
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