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Republicans drink goat urine!
10/18/2011 8:20 PM Floyd Harden -
President Obama, speaking at a fundraiser in California last night, declared “Republicans drink goat urine!” The President then admitted, “I have no proof that Republicans drink goat urine and, if you ask me, this vicious rumor going around about Republicans drinking goat urine is blatantly false. However, the more I say, ‘Republicans drink goat urine,’ the more likely it is tomorrow’s headlines will read ‘Republicans Drink Goat Urine!’ So here’s to all my Republican friends who drink goat urine even though I don’t have any Republican friends. But if I did, I bet they could go for a tall, refreshing glass of delicious goat urine right about now.”
Political strategists believe that the President is borrowing a tactic from the Republicans’ election playbook: repeat even the most outrageous lie enough and it will eventually be accepted as the truth. Often accused by Republicans of being a Kenyan, Muslim, socialist Martian, Obama is all too familiar with the concept.
A senior aide to the President, speaking on condition of anonymity because he is no longer authorized to be honest, confirmed the new strategy and expressed relief that Obama has finally abandoned the truth. “We’ve been waiting for this for months. At long-last, the President is willing to tell the big lies that win elections. Republicans are going to choke on their goat urine when they see how big a big liar Barack Obama can be. Just wait until he zeroes in on the Republican presidential candidates, all of whom, I’m told, drink the urine of goats.”
The aide went on to share a few of the new fibs the President and his staff will soon be repeating.
“We’ll begin by saying Rick Perry is black. When Perry’s Tea Party pals hear that one, they’ll suddenly be afraid of him for no good reason. And after Sarah Palin sleeps with Perry, Tea Baggers will be shocked and secretly jealous. Regardless, they’ll come running home to Michele Bachmann. But that won’t last long – not once the President praises Bachmann’s ‘superior intellect.’ Republicans hate a smart woman even more than they hate a smart anyone else. Next, we’ll tell everybody Mitt Romney inspired Obamacare. Okay, technically, that one’s true. But you have to go `Crazy Ivan' once in a while to make sure everyone’s paying attention. And finally, we’ll throw the kitchen sink at the rest of the field by starting a whisper campaign involving chickens, hand sanitizer, water based lubricants, more hand sanitizer, more lubricants, lint, a duck, the kitchen sink, another duck, the Dead Sea scrolls, and Hamburger Helper. Yep, at least one of those is bound to stick. Probably the duck.” - Return to Previous Page
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