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Al Qaeda magazine to publish first-ever swimsuit issue
10/1/2011 8:36 PM Floyd Harden
Desperate to boost circulation, the English version of the Al Qaeda magazine "Inspire" will break with its terrorist tradition to publish its first-ever swimsuit issue. The surprise announcement came yesterday via the release of a videotape recorded by editor-in-hiding, Fayjah Braheem Fahad, in the basement of what analysts believe to be a safe-house located somewhere in the rugged border region between Delaware and New Jersey.
Appearing in the video wearing camouflage cargo pants and a “Death to the Chicago Cubs” tee shirt, Fahad takes a bite out of a cookie shaped like the Liberty Bell, chews for a second, spits cookie chunks onto the camera lens and screams: “Infidels! I am pleased to announce that on October 16th the Inspire swimsuit issue will hold your imperialist dog eyes hostage with seventy-two virgin ‘jihotties’ wearing only string bikinis, smiles, and head-to-ankle burkas, God willing!” Fahad then makes use of a machete and a honeydew melon to either simulate a beheading, or get a good start on a fruit salad.
After making his announcement and slicing up the melon, Fahad becomes infuriated when his mother calls down into the basement: “Fayjah! I told you no cookies until that rat-infested secret cave you call a room is clean!” Forgetting the videotape is rolling, Fahad stomps up the stairs, machete still in hand. There follows the sounds of a brief struggle, after which Fahad tumbles back down the stairs. Moments later, the machete flies downstairs and sticks in the bottom step, inches from Fahad’s crotch, and Fahad’s mother is heard shouting, “Now turn off that stupid camera and finish making the fruit salad!”
"Inspire" is the same magazine that regularly calls for holy war against the west and which recently published articles celebrating the tenth anniversary of 9/11 - along with features titled “One Easy Recipe for On-the-Go Suicide Bombers,” “Readers Vote Tom Cruise Craziest Man Alive,” and “IED versus IUD – Why It Pays to Know the Difference!” - Return to Previous Page
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