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Robo-signing blamed for Solyndra fiasco
10/3/2011 10:20 AM Floyd Harden
Testifying before the House Energy and Commerce Committee today, Department of Energy Secretary Steven Chu revealed that the now infamous half-billion-dollar loan to solar power company Solyndra happened after the DOE instituted robo-signing to cut through red tape.
Secretary Chu told the committee, “Robo-signing worked so well for banks we figured we’d give it a shot. Talk about a time saver! Just yesterday, it took us all of thirty seconds to get S400 million dollars to a guy in South Dakota who figured out how to supply 98% of America’s energy needs using pyramid power! And thanks to robo-signing, there’s a little girl out in California whose lemonade stand is now $620 million dollars in the black! And don’t get me started on the Colorado innovator who discovered that using billion-dollar bills to roast marshmallows is the most efficient energy resource of all! I personally robo-signed him like $840 trizillion dollars not 10 minutes ago! I love my job!”
Chu seemed taken aback by the reaction of committee members who questioned the wisdom of rubber-stamping loans to companies that, like Solyndra, are known to be in dire financial straits.
When Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-FL), accused Chu of being “asleep at the wheel,” Chu shot back, “Kiss my ass, Congressman! Calling an Asian a bad driver distracts from the real issue here. Besides, who doesn’t fall asleep at the wheel every now and then? Driving is boring! Anyway, the point is that Solyndra got that money not because I enjoy the occasional road nap, but because I’m a Democrat and, like all Democrats, I believe in spending money, lots of money - I mean enough money to choke a superginormous, money-eating money horse made of money! Big government works! Money money money money money!”
Shortly after Chu finished his testimony, Press Secretary Jay Carney tried to distance President Obama from the Energy Secretary. “Steven Chu is a loose cannon. The President has never given anyone at the DOE any instructions regarding the green-tech loan program, or any other program. In fact, the President has never told anyone to do anything. He prefers to lead by ignoring – sort of an asleep at the wheel approach – which makes sense if you think about it. After all, President Obama is part Asian. Or is that Tiger Woods. I get those two confused.” - Return to Previous Page
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