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Perry reaches out to offended black community with cover band performances
10/2/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock
Texas Governor and GOP Presidential candidate Rick Perry announced earlier this evening that he plans to launch a music group, called “Rick Perry and the Seceders,” in an effort to make amends with those who were offended to learn that Perry's family once leased a hunting camp with a derogatory name. Perry bills the new group as a cover band, performing songs originally released by African American music stars from the 60's, 70's, 80's, and beyond.
“People have their panties all bunched up over my old hunting lodge,” explained Perry, speaking at an exclusive golf resort in North Carolina a few hours ago. “It used to be called... well, I won't say the name, because that'll just make the mainstream media paint me as a racist. It was called `N-word-head,' one big word. But I didn't know what it meant! Heck, I love ni... uh... nice black folks? That's what I was gonna say! So we're startin' this here cover band, to pay tribute to all them black music stars. It'll be a real hoot!”
Perry will front the band himself, as the lead singer, according to his statements at the press conference. The rest of the band will consist of fellow Conservatives Ted Nugent on guitar, Mike Huckabee on bass, and Chuck Norris on drums. Chuck Norris doesn't beat the drums, however. The drums beat themselves while Chuck Norris glares at them. When ghosts sit around a campfire, they tell Chuck Norris stories. One more? Okay, one more. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet... he just scares the shit out of it. Chuck Norris is pretty tough, but he isn't fast enough to stop me from typing this sen...
[Second byline: article finished by Floyd Harden]
“This is at least seven different kinds of offensive,” said legendary musician Stevie Wonder, shortly after performing his biggest hit songs at a fundraiser in New York City. “Why can't Perry just admit the place had a racist name, apologize for it, and move on? I mean, I know he likes shooting things, but does he have to murder our songs? Sly Stone [of Sly and the Family Stone] is homeless, living in a van in Los Angeles, and this idiot is out there singing `Everybody is a Star?' I might be blind, but I know an asshole when I see one!” - Return to Previous Page
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