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2012 Democratic Party playbook leaked on the web
10/5/2011 9:05 AM Matt Rock
The infamous website Wikileaks, forever a lightning rod for controversy, released early this morning the DNC's 2012 playbook, outlining the party's full agenda. The playbook, which covers in thorough detail their full campaigning, legislative, and controversy agenda, was immediately played down this morning by DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz as being nothing more than a clever forgery, though some Democrats, seemingly unaware of Wasserman's denial, did state the playbook is legitimate.
“I haven't read it yet, but I can tell you this, the Democrats aren't going to compromise in 2012,” said an enthusiastic Congressman Barney Frank, speaking about the 1,244-page document titled “DNC 2012: No Compromises.” “We weren't supposed to get these playbooks until next week. We were waiting for [Nancy Pelosi] to get paid this weekend, and then we were going to head over to Kinko's to get the printed up. But, uh, we aren't going to compromise on anything whatsoever in 2012. You can count on that!”
Legislatively, The playbook states that Democrats will start out their year in 2012 with a string of compromises covering domestic and foreign policy alike. Contrary to the title of the playbook, they allegedly plan to compromise more in the month of January alone than they did in the full year of 2011, and then to equal 2011's compromises in February of that year. However, the Democrats plan on “picking up steam, and a fresh pair of testes,” in April and May, according to the playbook, legislating down a hardline center-left philosophy just in time to impress voters and convince them they have their mojo back. However, this all relies on the Democrats actually reading the 1,244 page playbook, which most analysts believe will never happen.
In March of 2012, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will allegedly be involved in a massive sex scandal, noted in the playbook as being “the biggest thing to flop around in the news since Anthony Weiner's unfortunate photo ops.” This sex scandal will also include a payola scam, even though Harry Reid doesn't work in either the music or broadcast radio industries, with disturbing nude images of the Senator unconvincingly stumbling into the media in early April. Reid will not resign his seat until July of that year, giving the Democrats plenty of time to replace Reid with “an actual liberal, one that doesn't suck.”
In terms of election strategy, the playbook focuses heavily on holding onto the White House, with DNC strategists apparently confident that the Republicans will continuously shoot themselves in the foot over and over again as the 2012 Presidential campaign draws forward. Meanwhile, President Obama will wear sunglasses more often, host SNL, and drop a few “True Blood” references into speeches as the election season draws to a close, once again firing up the youth base to win his second term. - Return to Previous Page
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