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Michelle Obama declares effort to set world record for most world records
10/6/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock
First Lady Michelle Obama announced this morning that after she breaks the world record for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24-hour period next week, she'll be setting her sights on a bigger, more challenging, and some dare say much loftier goal: most world records ever set by, or participated in by, any single individual.
“I think this will be challenging, and God willing, it'll help bring some attention to our cause,” stated the First Lady during her announcement press conference. “The President and I are all about winning things, too. Medals, awards, Nobel prizes, world records... you should see our trophy shelf, it'll blow your mind! Also, American kids are fat. This will help them be less fat! I wonder if I can win a prize for that, too?”
The First Lady hopes to set no fewer than 97 world records in 2012, all while her husband is campaigning for his second term in the White House. The records she'll be aiming at breaking are believed to include “most Michele Bachmann jokes delivered to laughs in a 24-hour period,” “most compliments offered by women in a hair salon simultaneously about a woman's husband killing the world's most wanted terrorist,” and “fastest recital of the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while pointing at a picture of Mitch McConnell,” amongst several others.
“I'm more than confident Michelle can do it,” said President Barack Obama moments after his wife's impressive announcement. “Once she sets her mind to something, it gets done. If her goal is to make American kids lose weight while I'm in office, then childhood obesity's days are numbered, you watch! If we end out our second term without Michelle having earned a Nobel prize like I did, then there's something seriously wrong with the Nobel people!”
The current world record for most world records is held by one Cletus “Bubba” Magee, 44, of Shelby Alabama, who managed to set 96 world records in 2005, beating his previous accomplishments of 74 world records in 1999, 63 in 1992, and 47 in 1986. 90% of his world records involve the production, sale, and/ or consumption of crystal meth. The other 10% are miscellaneous accomplishments, most often earned while under the influence of crystal meth. Somehow, Magee also holds a world record for fastest victory in a spelling bee, won in 1979. But hey, it's Alabama we're talking about here. - Return to Previous Page
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