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Palin to run for Vice President
10/6/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Sarah Palin shocked the political world today when she announced she will not seek the Presidency, but will instead run for Vice President because, in her words, “Ya know, I’m always telling Todd and the kids how it’s super bad luck to ignore a Mayan doomsday thingy and also mayonnaise has always been my favorite vegetable. So there’s that and, plus, I hear Vice Presidents get free HBO.”
Palin’s advisers have reportedly informed her that, strictly speaking, she can’t run for Vice President unless the Republican presidential nominee makes the colossal mistake of choosing her as his running mate - as John McCain did in 2008. But that seemingly insurmountable hurdle doesn’t seem to have bothered the plucky, perky Palin, who plans to kick off her campaign by embarking on a bus tour of train stations across America, starting next week in Manitoba, Canada. Asked why she would campaign at a train station in Canada, Palin replied, “Airports won’t let you park on the tracks.”
Palin made her announcement at a Kinko’s Fed-Ex store in Billings, Montana, where she was busy making copies of her resume to distribute on the campaign trail. A PTP reporter assigned to tail Palin in case she does something stupid (BINGO!) was able to obtain the original document after Palin forgot it in the Xerox machine. Palin’s resume contains a few surprises.
Palin lists under work experience, “Former Governor of Alaska,” which is true as far as it goes. However, in what appears to be an attempt to collect unemployment insurance, Palin falsely claims that she was “laid off due to budget constraints.” In fact, Palin resigned the governorship. Palin also lists as work experience: “Beauty Queen,” “Keeping an eye on Russia,” “Reading a newspaper – I forgot which one,” “Sleeping with a basketball player – I forgot which one” and “Making copies of my resume at Kinko’s Fed-Ex.”
When word of Palin’s surprise-announcement reached him, current Vice President Joe Biden was overheard complaining to an aide, “That’s a load of crap! Why the hell don’t I get free HBO?” - Return to Previous Page
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