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Obama's Success in Killing bin Laden Vindicates Bush
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5/13/2011 8:18 AM Coyle - In the aftermath of the special forces operation inside Pakistan that led to the killing of Al-Qaeda terrorist leader Osama bin Laden, administration officials of former President George W. Bush quickly pointed out that the operation was possible only because of the “enhanced interrogation” techniques put into place during the Bush presidency.

Despite the protestations of the Obama administration, several prominent Republicans have praised the Bush-era tactic of waterboarding as a vital technique in the War on Terror. Foremost among those supporters is Representative Peter King of New York. “Clearly, full credit for the death of Osama bin Laden goes to former President Bush,” said Representative King during an interview on CNN with Anderson Cooper. “We never would have obtained the name of bin Laden's courier from Khalid Sheikh Mohammed without the use of waterboarding.”

When Cooper pointed out that Mohammed only revealed the courier's nickname months after the waterboarding took place, all the while denying that he was of any importance to the terrorist organization, King responded, “Look. Sometimes, lying can reveal the most important truths. The fact that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed lied to us about the courier's importance to bin Laden only demonstrated how truthful the information actually was.”

With Cooper showing obvious confusion, King continued, “It's like this. When I was in high school, I'd ask girls out on dates all the time. And they would always say no, claiming that I was extremely creepy. But I knew that wasn't true; I'm the pinnacle of manly awesomeness. And I could see it in their eyes that they knew it, too. The fact that they refused to go out on a date with me just confirmed my initial suspicions about my awesomeness. And after I subjected them to a few months of waterboarding, they would always come around to my side and agree to go out on a date with me. You see, waterboarding works.”

Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld echoed this refrain on Fox News Sunday. When asked by host Chris Wallace about the usefulness of waterboarding, given that Mohammed was subjected to it on 183 separate occasions, Rumsfeld reflected, “It's standard knowledge in the intelligence community that it takes 183 sessions of waterboarding to force detainees to reveal vital information. It's what we call 'The Magic Number' in the business.”

Meanwhile, former Vice President Dick Cheney expressed dismay at the behavior of Obama administration officials. “I don't understand why President Obama just can't give Bush the credit he deserves. Because when you really think about it, every success of Obama can be traced back to Bush. Just look at Obama's policies: the continuation of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the continued operation of Guantanamo Bay and the extension of the Bush-era tax cuts. When it comes right down to it, Obama is just Bush with a better tan. In short, what I'm trying to say is this: just because an event happened under one president's watch doesn't mean that he was the person responsible for it.”

When asked if this standard also applies to the economic recession President Obama inherited from Bush, Cheney quickly snapped back, “Dear God, no! We don't want credit for that. We just want credit for the good stuff.”
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