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PTP analysts predict Christie run in 2012
10/10/2011 10:05 AM Matt Rock
PTP's team of political analysts and Washington experts have concluded this afternoon that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will, in fact, run for President in 2012, despite Christie's repeated efforts to claim otherwise.
“We're quite confident that Christie will indeed run for President,” explained PTP journalist Floyd Harden. “His never-ending onslaught of constant denials is evidence in and of itself. You don't go to such great lengths to deny you're running unless you actually are running. That's just common sense.”
“The guy asked if committing suicide was the only way to convince people he wasn't running,” said PTP's Alyson Durden. “That's about as clear-cut as something can get. He was telling us, point-blank, that yes, he's running for President. Every time he says he isn't running is further evidence that he is.”
Mainstream media outlets abandoned their speculation that Christie would run in 2012 after Christie announced last week during a scheduled press conference that he would not seek the GOP nomination in 2012. But here at PTP, we take pride in beating dead horses until every last mushy, bloodied clump of future violin bow hair resembles three-day-old Beefaroni.
“The other media outlets are chumps! We'll keep pounding Christie until he enters this race,” said PTP's founder, Greg. “That, or we'll get Jeff Garlin to stop by the PTP office and tell abortion jokes. One of those two things will definitely happen before the October 31st Republican Primary candidacy deadline, though. Mark my words, Christie. You're running for President. The media just hasn't convinced you that you've decided that yet!”
Some members of the PTP staff were speculating that Christie was dodging a 2012 run because he's confident President Obama will win his second term, and has instead opted to hold out for 2016. All of those staffers have been fired, except for Frank, who was fired and then shot. Like most major news outlets, PTP is dedicated to reporting all the news that's fit to print, and when news doesn't exist, then we make it exist, dag-nabbit! Your days of not being a 2012 Presidential candidate are numbered, Christie! - Return to Previous Page
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