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Satan fed up with GOP, becomes a Democrat
10/15/2011 9:50 AM Floyd Harden -
Just when it looked like gridlock would dominate the national political scene from here to eternity, Satan has left the Republican Party and become a Democrat, dramatically altering the balance of power in Washington and potentially dealing a critical blow to Republicans’ chances in 2012.
The Prince of Darkness announced his decision at a backyard barbeque fundraiser he hosted for Democratic Congressional candidates recently in Las Vegas, Nevada. With a can of Coors Light in one hand and a half-eaten chicken leg in the other, Satan told party movers and shakers that he no longer identifies with the GOP because “These guys don’t care about jobs – not my job anyway. How am I supposed to get any work done when Boehner, Cantor, Ryan and McConnell are going around giving evil a bad name?”
Emphasizing his point by stabbing the air with his drumstick and turning his Coors Light into real beer, Satan expressed his disdain for the GOP. “Okay, I’ll admit, at first it was fun to sit back and watch as Republicans sowed the seeds of mankind’s destruction. I mean that whole debt ceiling business? Wow! And people say I’m a prick! But then they had to go for broke by tying to cut off disaster aid to hurricane victims. That almost made me puke. I saw Eric Cantor defending that one on CNN and for a second there I thought I had an evil twin. Take my word for it, there is a special place reserved the thereafter for ole’ Eric.”
Sounding as much like a candidate for office as a behind-the-scenes political operative, Satan made the case for his new party affiliation while offering up some intriguing insights into his character.
“When you get right down to it, I’m a people-person. I don’t rule from on high like You-Know-Who. I’m a fallen angel, man! I roll up my sleeves and roll around in the mud with real people. I get down and dirty tempting folks to give in to their appetites, trust their lust, and embrace their inner demons. In other words, I’m a goddamned Democrat! Obviously, that doesn’t mean I’m any less evil than I was before. I just got sick of being associated with humans who have forgotten what it means to be, well, human.” - Return to Previous Page
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