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Rick Perry unveils new “666” economic plan
10/17/2011 7:45 AM Matt Rock
Texas Governor and GOP Presidential hopeful Rick Perry revealed this morning his new economic plan, hoping to take from it a resurgence in the polls. The plan, called “Rick Perry's Yee-Haw Awesome 666 plan,” seems to have been directly influenced by Herman Cain's controversial “999” plan, though altered to accommodate Perry's personal flair.
“This 666 plan will fix up our economy faster an' a Texas Governor can threaten to secede from the United States in 2009 while throwing a hissy-fit about Obamacare,” said Perry during a press conference early this morning. “And it ain't nothin' like that Herman Cain guy's 999 plan. This one was made up by a white guy! Wait, that probably came out wrong. Err, did it? Nah, it's fine.”
Perry's plan uses the same principal as Herman Cain's plan, but with a few twists. He's calling for a 6% flat income tax rate across the board, a 6% federal sales tax (similar to the “VAT” consumption tax in the United Kingdom), and to top it all off, he'd like to execute 6% of the population of the United States.
“In Texas, we electrocute 6% of our population at least once or twice a year,” Perry explained, defending the last element of his plan before anyone in the press could start laughing, crying, or fleeing for dear life. “It's good for the economy, and I think Texas really shows that. You focus on electrocuting, hanging, beheading, or flogging to death the unemployed and the poor. That'll teach people to not have jobs or live in poverty!”
A reporter from CBS asked Perry whether or not he felt that Herman Cain had taken inspiration for his 999 plan from the popular urban planning video game “Sim City,” as many have speculated. The question seemed to rile the Governor. “Hey, I ain't gonna tell you again, boy! I didn't take this idea from Herman Cain! He's a nice guy and all, but his 999 plan is stupid! I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but even I can tell you that a 9% flat tax rate is about the dumbest thing anyone's ever heard. And I know George W. Bush! Personally!” - Return to Previous Page
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