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Hillary Clinton secretly visits Libya, searches for Ark of the Covenant
10/18/2011 3:15 PM Staff -
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a surprise visit to Tripoli today, claiming her trip relates to helping pave the groundwork for the new government being established in the country after Muammar Gaddafi fled the capital. However, numerous verified accounts from anonymous sources indicate that her true purpose in making the secret, unannounced visit actually relates to her quest to find the Holy Grail of lost artifacts, other than the actual Holy Grail that is: The fabled Ark of the Covenant.
“[Hillary Clinton] spent several hours last week watching `Raiders of the Lost Ark,'” said an anonymous high-ranking State Department official. “The walls of her office are littered with crappy, grade-school drawings of the Ark, her desk was left strewn with maps of Libya with little red `X' marks all over it, and she called several of us to view her recent high score in the old Atari game `Pitfall.' I think it's pretty obvious what she's doing over in Libya.”
“Man, that woman loves them archeological people. More than I love Big Macs,” said another anonymous source, this one intimately close to the Clinton family. “Indiana Jones, Nathan Drake, The Librarian, all of 'em. Me? I'm more of a Lara Croft guy myself. Back when I was President... uh... President of my video game club... I used to love them `Tomb Raider' games. They kept making her boobies bigger game after game. I wonder if they have new ones? Those things must be bigger than her now!”
The former First Lady held a televised press conference earlier today, in which she spoke solely on the subject of Gaddafi and Libya's reformation. “Um, we're here to, you know, get that Gaddafi jerk, and, uh, help the Libyan people. This has absolutely nothing to do with a search for any lost ancient religious artifacts, which I'd use, if found, to kill that skank Lady Gaga after she flirted with my husband right in front of me at his 65th birthday party. Nothing to do with that at all!”
Secretary Clinton was last seen speeding off from the press conference in a beige Land Rover, reportedly armed with a bullwhip and wearing a Fedora. Eye witnesses in Misrata, Libya claim to have spotted her pumping gas at a filling station in the coastal city, apparently singing “da-da-da-da... da-da-da... da-da-da-DA! Da-da, DA-DA-DA!” - Return to Previous Page
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