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President Obama announces full withdrawal from Iraq two days in a row
10/22/2011 8:40 AM Matt Rock -
In a White house press conference held yesterday, President Obama announced to America and the world that the United States would withdraw every single soldier from Iraq by Christmas of this year. Seemingly convinced that once is never enough, the President held a nearly identical press conference this morning, apparently hoping to score more points in the election by making sure everyone definitely heard him.
“We're pulling out of Iraq by Christmas. Every soldier will be home by then,” President Obama explained, trying to keep a straight face when he suddenly realized that NBC's Chuck Todd bares a striking resemblance to a pudgy version of Tom Green. “This is a campaign promise I kept, for those of you keeping score. Anyone that isn't voting for me in 2012 is just bitter.”
“Mr. President, are you saying people should vote for you simply because you withdrew troops from Iraq?” asked Wendell Goler of Fox News. “Can you tell us what you've actually accomplished with your time in the White House?”
“Oh, Fox News not giving me any credit, there's a shocker,” the President scoffed. “Let's see here... I got us in and out of Libya and took down a violent dictator the smart way, without American troops hitting the ground. I stopped a second great depression amidst record-breaking filibustering and general obstructionism from the right. McDonald's brought back the McRib not once, but TWICE while I was in office. Go look at McDonald's, it's on sale right now, I did that! Oh, and did I mention Bin Laden? Yeah, he's dead. Next?”
“Sir, do you have any comment on Turkey's recent incursion into Northern Iraq?” asked Chuck Todd.”
“Hey, Chuck, did anyone ever tell you that you look like a pudgy Tom Green? [laughs] burn! `Daddy would you like some sausage? Daddy would you like some sausages?' Ha, love that movie, you ever seen it? `Freddy Got Fingered?' Most people didn't like it, but I thought it was hilarious. Saw it back in the day with Hillary Clinton while we were duking it out on the campaign trail. True story!” - Return to Previous Page
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