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Entire Bachmann NH campaign staff quits after candidate stunt
10/22/2011 8:02 PM Matt Rock
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's Presidential aspirations suffered another major drawback today, as her entire New Hampshire campaign staff has abandoned ship, leaving the candidate struggling in the key state as her chances to win the 2012 election dwindle to nothingness.
“Mrs. Bachmann put herself in this situation,” explained a New Hampshire volunteer for the Bachmann campaign, when asked about the exodus. “It all started last week. [Bachmann] came to New Hampshire to visit our office, and she found out we had a young gay Republican volunteering for us. It all went to hell from there.”
“Bachmann came in screaming at everyone,” said another volunteer. “She kept calling the guy `Conan the Barbarian,' and started swinging a broom around like a sword. We thought she was kidding, until she smacked him in the side of the face with it, and said something like `did I knock the gay out of you?' I'm pretty sure it was a hate crime. Luckily, her husband Marcus was on-hand to deliver mouth-to-mouth. I'm not sure if it was entirely necessary, but neither of them complained.”
The situation rapidly declined from there, according to eyewitnesses. After the gay volunteer lifted himself from the floor, he apparently tried to leave the scene, but Bachmann allegedly began calling the man an illegal immigrant, demanding he not get an abortion, and then claiming “You're not one of the job creators [sic]. It was then that everyone in her New Hampshire campaign decided to quit.
“We'd heard rumors that she was an ignorant, bigoted, rhetoric-spewing monster, but we chalked all that up as Liberal media spin,” said another volunteer. “But when we saw her acting that way in person, well, I can't speak for everyone, but I'm definitely voting Democrat in 2012. Seeing that sort of lunacy up-close really puts insanity into perspective for you. I thought to myself `well, they can't all be that crazy, right?' But Herman Cain thinks bills should only have three pages, Rick Perry threatened to secede Texas from the United States in 2009, and Mitt Romney is Mitt Romney, so yeah... Obama 2012!” - Return to Previous Page
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