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Ron Paul has “accident” during campaign stop
10/24/2011 3:14 PM Matt Rock -
GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul (R-TX) had an embarrassing on-stage “accident” this afternoon during a speech in Des Moines, Iowa, after which he continued his speech, seemingly unhindered by the bodily mishap.
“We need to close overseas bases!” the 76-year old pseudo-libertarian candidate announced to throngs of his large cult following. “The Constitution needs to be taught in schools! The free markets need to be responsibly trusted, but not blindly followed! And we need to... uh... I just pooped in my pants!”
The crowd roared with applause as Paul's face turned red. Assistants rushed on stage, stripping off his pants, changing his diaper, and giving him fresh trousers as he continued his speech without further interruption. “The mainstream media doesn't like me, because I tell the truth! I'm the most honest candidate of them all! Even though I'm running as a GOP candidate while simultaneously badmouthing the GOP, and calling myself a Libertarian even though I refuse to run under that party's banner! Tax cuts! No more separation of Church and State!”
After the riveting speech, Ron Paul's raucous Tea Party crowd filed out of the building. While most of those in attendance refused to comment on the candidate's on-stage “colon malfunction,” we did manage to find one supporter who was willing to tell us what he thought of the speech.
“Ron Paul is a God amongst mortal men,” said Thomas Meier, 27, of Tuscon Arizona, who said he follows Ron Paul everywhere the campaign trail leads him. “Do you think Mitt Romney or Barack Obama could pinch a loaf on stage and keep their speech going? Shit no! Ron Paul is the Messiah, baby! The MESSIAH! Maybe if a few more candidates spent a little more time bombing their undies, and a little less time bombing Ron Paul, we might have a country that works!” - Return to Previous Page
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