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Obamacare to be replaced with “Obamacure”
10/25/2011 3:01 PM Floyd Harden
President Obama is finally delivering on all that change he promised when he campaigned in 2008. At an event in Cincinnati, Ohio yesterday, the President announced he will ask Congress to repeal Obamacare in favor of a new, more far-reaching government takeover of health care - Obamacure. Obama had intended to unveil Obamacure before a joint session of Congress next month, but circumstances forced him to jump the gun.
The President was speaking to nurses at a union rally in the parking lot at Cincinnati’s Good Samaritan Hospital. As the President was praising the role unions play in improving the lives of all Americans, an ambulance rolled up with Roger Horkenflower, a retired police officer who had been critically injured in a freak accident involving a duck. While flying over Horkenblower’s suburban home, the duck suddenly questioned the feasibility of flight, fell from the sky and lodged in Horkenflower’s throat just as Horkenflower looked up and opened his mouth to ask his wife, “What’s with the duck?”
Unfortunately for Horkenblower, the nurses were on their union-mandated break and contractually prohibited from coming to his aid until 3 pm, or until Horkenblower died, whichever came first, unless 3pm came first. In a desperate effort to get the nurses to act, President Obama instinctively negotiated with himself, gave ground in hopes of winning concessions from himself, reached a tentative agreement with himself, caved, blamed the Tea Party and predicted the Ball State Cardinals would win the 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament – all to no avail.
As the nurses linked arms and threatened to go inside to stage an ironic sick-in, Obama took matters into his own hands. The President rushed to Horkenblower’s aid, pulling the duck from his throat and touching both Horkenblower and the duck with his miraculous healing fingers, simultaneously curing Horkenblower’s arthritis and restoring the duck’s confidence. As the duck flew off, Horkenblower opened his eyes, smiled serenely, looked at the President and asked, “What’s with the duck?”
Thus having performed a miracle, the President chose to take advantage of the opportunity to announce Obamacure. “Beginning today, I shall personally end sickness and death in the United States by putting my Obamacure all upside the head of every American, except for gun owners, hockey fans, residents of Kansas and Joe Lieberman.” When the nurses complained that Obamacure would put most of them out of work, Obama pointed out the obvious. “That’s a small price to pay for getting rid of Lieberman.” - Return to Previous Page
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