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Gadhafi autopsy reveals gunshot wounds, botox overdose
10/25/2011 8:39 PM Matt Rock -
Libyan dictator Muammar Gadhafi, killed in his hometown of Sirte earlier as rebels stormed the country during the Arab spring, was buried in a secret, private ceremony recently. Many believed the 69-year old “brotherly leader and guide” was executed by revel forces when he was found hiding from an American Reaper drone in a drainage tube, but the dictator's autopsy revealed that he was most likely dead before he was located.
“We found extremely high levels of botox in his bloodstream,” reported an unidentified Libyan surgeon who carried out the autopsy. “We think he was probably self-administering injections for himself moments before the rebels found him. That would explain at least 30% of the things that were wrong with his face.”
Authorities (well, rebels, as there's no government currently, so there aren't really “authorities” in Libya) state that rebels most likely found Gadhafi after he died from an overdose on the injected cosmetic drug, and having witnessed his body violently shaking as a result of the vast quantities of chemicals coursing through his body, they may have assumed he'd become a member of the walking dead, much akin to Tupac Shakur, who keeps releasing albums even though he's been dead for twenty-odd years or something. At that point, someone probably shot him in the face, knowing that the most effective method of bringing down a zombie is to remove the head or destroy the brain.
“He was really hoping to land a role in American television after he fled Libya,” said one of Gadhafi's children. “He was a big fan of reality TV, and his dream was to be the oldest cast member to live in the `Real World' house. He once explained to us that if Puck decided to stick his hand in my father's peanut butter, he would be raped, beheaded, raped again, impaled, dunked in battery acid, and then raped once more for good measure. That was my dad. He never did anything half-assed, that's for sure.” - Return to Previous Page
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