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Wall Street Bankers Occupy San Francisco
10/30/2011 8:50 AM Coyle
Bankers from across Wall Street stormed out of their jobs yesterday before flying in private jets across the country to San Francisco, where they declared that they were protesting the anti-corporate agenda of liberal America.
The bankers, who represent every major financial institution on Wall Street, demanded more government bailouts and larger bonuses.
"We are tired of being the convenient whipping boy for America's problems," said Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase. "If you people would just reduce my taxes, maybe we would be out of the recession already. How the hell am I supposed to live on $21 million a year?"
The protests began in earnest after traders at Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, the two largest investment banks on Wall Street, discovered that their bonuses would be slashed this year due to declining profitability.
"We have put up with the liberal agenda long enough," thundered Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein over a bullhorn to admiring bankers. "Wall Street can't afford four more years of Obama."
Brian Moynihan, the CEO of Bank of America, echoed this refrain, pointing out all the disastrous consequences of Obama's policies.
"Doesn't the President know that we are job creators?" asked Moynihan rhetorically. "I mean, not me personally...I just fired 30,000 people, but people like me."
With signs of "Profits Over People" and "Support Corporate Greed," the bankers defiantly asserted that they would continue the protest and remain on the streets until their demands were met.
Immediately afterwards, the bankers adjourned to the Four Seasons Hotel for a five-course meal. Numerous Wall Street firms reserved several floors of the luxury hotel for their bankers to rest after a long day of protesting.
Although the bankers had taken the night off, they made clear that the protest was still ongoing. "The residents of San Francisco better not get too comfortable," said Moynihan after finishing a dessert of creme brulee. "We have hired thousands of stand-ins for tomorrow's protest." - Return to Previous Page
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