Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Solyndra reorganizes as oil company, republicans demand subsidies
11/4/2011 9:25 AM Coyle -
Solyndra, the solar cell manufacturer that received over $500 million in guaranteed government loans from the Obama administration, emerged from bankruptcy protection today and announced a radically new business strategy for the company by forsaking alternative energy in favor of oil exploration and drilling.
"Clearly, the whole solar power thing just didn't work for us," said Solyndra CEO Brian Harrison. "We decided that if you can't beat Big Oil, you might as well join them."
The reorganized company will focus their efforts in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge by extracting oil from its untapped reserves. Scientists estimate that ANWR holds approximately 10 billion barrels of oil and natural gas.
"It would be nice to make some money for once," said Harrison. "However, we will need support from our friends in Washington to open up this area for development."
Republicans in Congress immediately praised the initiative by Solyndra as a commonsense solution for a troubled company looking to turn itself around. In addition, they said that they would do whatever it takes to help Solyndra fulfill its mission.
"I used to be skeptical of Solyndra's management team," said Florida Representative Cliff Stearns, the Republican Congressman who was leading the investigation into the Solyndra controversy. "Now, I realize how intelligent and foresighted they really are."
After a private meeting with top Republican Congressmen, Stearns announced that Congress would immediately drop their investigation into the guaranteed loans that Solyndra received from the Obama administration. Instead, Stearns criticized the Obama administration for not giving Solyndra a real chance of succeeding.
"Maybe if the Obama administration had given Solyndra more money to conduct their oil drilling, they wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place," said Stearns. "Instead, they had to play politics with the American people, and all that we got in return were high oil prices."
Republican Congressional leaders also announced the introduction of their new "Black Energy" agenda, using Solyndra as their model of what an energy company should look like in the future.
"We need subsidies, lots of subsidies," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "Republicans are committed to creating jobs in these tough economic times, by supporting great American companies like Solyndra." - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|