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The Battle of the White Mountains
11/7/2011 3:00 PM Karl
As the Republican Primary season heats up, the front runners in the battle are increasing their troop movements and taking territory all over the United States in preparation for the final battle to decide who will challenge the President for his position. Mitch Romney, whose home state is adjacent to New Hampshire, is securing the borders of Massachusetts in light of the NH turf battle being rescheduled for January 3rd. He is reported to have over 50,000 infantry with light machine guns as well as a cavalry force of more than 100 M1A1 tanks acquired from the National Guard Armory. Even though the state has been ruled off-limits to the candidates and their forces prior to the battle, there are reports of U2 flyovers into New Hampshire airspace, although Romney denies responsibility for them. Meanwhile, Governor Rick Perry has called up Texas’ impressive air force and navy, including the carrier, Sam Houston, and is staging training exercises near the Grand Banks, readying to sail to shore at a moment’s notice.
The real surprise, however, is businessman Herman Cain, who has recruited a force of almost one hundred thousand “pizza ninjas”, commandos armed with pizza cutters specially designed for throwing. “My Ninjas are highly trained and their stated goal is to quickly occupy both Concord and Manchester within minutes of the start of operations, while keeping collateral damage to a minimum,” said Cain when asked by the New York Times. This army is prepositioned in border towns in Vermont and Maine and reportedly also hiding out in Canada ready to strike across the border when the order is given.
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has vehemently denied any troops stationed in Quebec, or anywhere in his country for that matter. “The conflict south of the border will stay south of the border, and neither the country of Canada, nor the Commonwealth of Nations, are taking sides in what is clearly an internal matter of the US."
The real challenge for the “big three," as they are starting to be called, will be how quickly they can transfer their forces from New Hampshire to South Carolina after the Battle of the White Mountains. - Return to Previous Page
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