Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Obama joins Occupy Wall Street
11/7/2011 8:02 PM Will Daring
President Obama took to the streets today to offer his support for the Occupy Wall Street movement. Communicating through massive jumbotrons strategically placed throughout New York City, the President assured rowdy taxpayers that corporate greed and excess would no longer be tolerated once it paid for his re-election campaign. He went on to explain why he would not be able to visit the city personally, citing questionable weather and a shortage of Planters Trail Mix.
An army of black limos swept into the epicenter of the protest, offering free air-conditioned rides, mixed drinks and complimentary scratch-off tickets. Lucky passengers were courted with contracts that guaranteed one soldier would be returned home for every thousand votes they placed in support of Obama's re-election in 2012. Citizens were later returned to the streets sporting shiny new buttons displaying the President's next election year slogan, "Yes We Can. Seriously This Time."
Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was quick to dismiss the sincerity of the President's efforts, after receiving permission from her husband to say as much. "What we have here is an obvious ploy. It's obvious, and it's a ploy. In addition to the ploy aspect, I firmly believe this is connected to gay marriage. When I figure out how to work that in there, I'll conclude with my statements."
Bachmann's sentiments were echoed by doubtful conservatives who were quick to point out that the President seemed to be flip-flopping after sending a controversial message with the release of his follow-up novel, "The Audacity Of Broke."
Presidential hopeful Rick Perry, forced to retract his "pictures or it didn't happen" stance after OWS coverage began to spread, cautioned Obama to stop paying people off. "American citizens will not tolerate bribery or coercion. Besides, it costs too much money when you can simply declare them unconstitutional." - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.