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Woman accuses Herman Cain of selling her Godfather's pizza
11/2/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain seems to be a controversy magnet this week. Amidst the sexual harassment scandal circling the Cain campaign, a new woman has accused the former pizza magnate of a scandalous act far worse than any he has faced to date: the unidentified woman claims Cain sold her a slice of Godfather's pizza.
“My client is accusing Herman Cain of selling her one 16-ounce soft drink and one slice of pepperoni pizza back in 1991,” says the woman's attorney who, like his client, wishes to remain anonymous. “She alleges that Mr. Cain failed to properly warn her that she was about to take a bite out of a slice of Godfather's pizza. As we all know, the Supreme Court ruling of Gibson vs. Godfather's Pizza in 1989 prohibited the sale of Godfather's pizza without due warning of how gross it tastes, and that failing to comply is equatable to sexual harassment, libel, slander, and assaulting a police officer.”
PTP has learned that Mr. Cain did in fact work the counter of an Atlanta, Georgia Godfather's Pizza store in March and April of 1991. “He said we were lazy, shiftless, and good-for-nothing,” said Ryan North, 38, of Atlanta, who was 18 when he worked at the store in question from February 1991 to August 1991. “He told us the only reason we weren't as rich and successful as him was because we were poor, lazy scum-suckers. After he fired the two Muslims that worked with us, he took over the register, gave all of us pay-cuts, and slept with at least two of my co-workers, promising them raises and promotions that never came. But selling that innocent woman pizza without warning her... that just ain't right.”
According to court documents filed this morning in Atlanta, the unidentified woman, then 34 years old, suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, manic depression, schizophrenia, ADD, migraine headaches, lower back pain, and a loss of her ability to taste food, all as a result of the slice of nasty pizza she was sold back in 1991.
“She vowed that if she ever learned the man's identity, she'd sue,” explained the lawyer. “Now that Cain is famous, and we know how rich he is, we're going after him with everything we've got. It'll probably hurt his presidential campaign, but come on, no one seriously wants that nutter to actually win the election and become our next President, do they? I mean seriously... that weird smoking campaign ad was funny and all, but President? Don't make me laugh, because I'll probably cry!” - Return to Previous Page
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