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GOP debate audiences haven't been watching debates, sources say
11/13/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock
Conservative voters attending GOP debates came across as maniacally cruel, wildly out of touch, and radicalized to the core when they applauded torture, executions, Herman Cain's sexual harassment, and letting people die rather than giving them healthcare, while also booing an openly-gay soldier that had submitted a question via video. However, a recent revelation shows that they aren't as callous, immature, or flat-out ignorant as they might seem. According to numerous sources, the audiences at GOP debates have actually been watching sports programs, rather than the debates themselves.
“The GOP made a deal with debate hosts, which provides televisions airing sports as an alternative to watching the actual debates,” said GOP chairman Reince Priebus. “We knew the debates would be boring, especially since we've scheduled over 100 of them, so we decided to air baseball, basketball, and football on audience-only screens in the same room as the debate.”
The theory was that the audiences would react to the sports they were watching by cheering, booing, and performing the wave. This, in turn, would fire up the debaters, making them think it was all directed at them, while also making television viewers think the debates were far more interesting than they actually were.
“The plan backfired,” said Priebus. “Things started out okay, but then the audiences started cheering at all the wrong times. I thought that would have been obvious, actually. I mean, really, what sort of sick, demented, childish thug would actually applaud the notion of a doctor allowing a patient to die rather than offering them free, life-saving healthcare?”
When asked if he thought the GOP had been hijacked by radicals, while moderate Conservatives found themselves shoved out of the party, Priebus laughed. “Not at all. There are tons of moderate Conservatives that still vote Republican. Look at Jon Huntsman, for instance. He's moderate, isn't he? And we're letting him run for President! Granted, he isn't doing as good as, say, Michele Bachmann or Herman Cain or Rick Perry. But still, his mere existence proves we still have moderates. And no, he isn't just a token moderate. I could see you drawing that conclusion, damn liberal media!” - Return to Previous Page
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