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Herman Cain sexually harasses reporter while denying sexual harassment allegations
11/29/2011 3:19 PM Matt Rock -
Herman Cain can't seem to keep himself out of hot water. The GOP candidate, who is said to be considering abandoning his presidential aspirations, has managed to sexually harass yet another woman, this one being a reporter who asked Cain this afternoon about his alleged 13-year affair.
“I ain't never sexually harassed nobody!” Cain declared defiantly, waving his finger in protest at the mere mention of his newest accuser, and seemingly oblivious to the huge gaffe he was soon to make. “The media has a responsibility to only report on facts, don't they? And you can't confirm any of that as a fact. I mean, you're pretty damn sexy holding that microphone the way you're holding it, I mean, goddamn girl! But that's a fact, NOT a baseless accusation. I'm not `accusing' you of turning my dial right now. Look at my trousers. You KNOW that's a fact!”
Upon realizing what he said, Cain tried to backpedal for a moment. “uh, oh... uh... that's the sort of thing I might say `if' I were to sexually harass someone, but I would never say anything like that, because I'm a good, honest person with Conservative family values! The only person I've ever sexually harassed was my wife, and that's not the same thing. I mean, Mickey Mouse doesn't harass Minnie, does he? He wasn't whistling on that steamboat because he was trying to cover up a 13-year affair with some other woman that wasn't Minnie, you know?”
The reporter then asked if Cain was going to abandon his presidential campaign, to which Cain responded by going all-in. “Okay, look, you got me. I like women. There ain't nothing wrong with that, is there? God gave me parts that interact in a certain way with your parts. We're evolutionarily disposed to making sweet, sweet love. Wait, did I just admit that I believe in evolution? Shit! I guess I'm gonna have to resign now. I was really looking forward to being the first President to ever publish a book while in office... I guess that ship has sailed. But here's my number in case, you know, you have any... well... `questions' for me, or for those parts we talked about earlier.” - Return to Previous Page
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