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“Trump debate” to include challenges, prizes
12/6/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock
Details regarding the format of the December 27th Newsmax presidential debate, set to be hosted by Donald Trump, have finally emerged, and many are left questioning the legitimacy of the event whatsoever. According to leaked emails between “the Donald” and conservative media outlet Newsmax's founder Christopher Ruddy, the event is going to feature ten minutes of regular debating, followed up with a series of challenges that each offer prizes, like a reality television program.
The debate will open with a single question: “do you believe President Obama was born in the United States?” Each candidate will then have a mere 15 seconds to respond, with the remainder of the allotted 10 minutes going to Trump explaining why he still isn't convinced by the long-form birth certificate offered by the White House back in April, days prior to Osama Bin Laden being found and killed.
After that, Trump will deliver a 60-minute speech of his own, discussing how awesome he is, how none of the GOP candidates hold a candle to him, and how the next President of the United States should have experience hosting reality television. He'll also mention the birth certificate twenty or thirty more times, rag on President Obama for having dished up so many insults at the Press Correspondent's Dinner, and mention how awesome he is a few more times, for good measure.
The next hour of the debate will pit the GOP candidates against each other in a single challenge that is made up of several lesser challenges: They'll need to operate a lemonade stand, while single-handedly authoring a bill that completely defunds programs that benefit the poor and the middle class, all while chatting with an oil lobbyist about the potential of exploratory drilling in Yellowstone National Park.
When the dusts from this debate have settled, Trump will offer private sector jobs to the evening's “winners.” The catch, however, is that all of the debaters will be winners in Trump's eyes, so with everyone pulled out of the race, Trump himself will be free and clear to run against President Obama with little or no opposition.
“He didn't raise, bankrupt, raise, bankrupt, raise, bankrupt, and raise his empire without thinking ahead,” said Mitt Romney shortly after learning about the leaked details of the debate. “I'm looking forward to the debate, regardless of the strange format. And I might even take up that private sector job offer from Trump. I always liked casinos, and it's not like I could win in a general anyway.” - Return to Previous Page
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