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Romney goes into hiding after Quayle announces his support
12/6/2011 3:03 PM Matt Rock
GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney went into hiding today, as former Vice President Dan Quayle announced that he would publicly endorse Romney in his primary fight. Sources inside the Romney campaign are confident that if Romney hides out long enough, Quayle might inevitably forget that Romney exists, helping the struggling top-tier candidate dodge a serious electoral bullet.
“An endorsement from the likes of Dan Quayle is sort of like getting a nasty dose of a political STD,” said one anonymous Romney campaign staffer. “You have to remember that before G.W., Sarah Palin, or Michele Bachmann came along, Dan Quayle was regarded as the most ignorant person in the GOP... maybe in politics as a whole. The last thing we need right now is for voters to think Mitt Romney can't spell the word `potato.'”
Romney is believed to be hiding out in a cave somewhere in Iowa, where he will reportedly remain until Quayle offers his endorsement to someone else. Many view this to be a shortsighted effort to hide, though, with some pointing out the lackluster qualities of hiding in caves, illustrated with a mention of Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gadhafi, both of whom learned the hard way that lying low in such environments is often met with mixed results at best.
“We can only hope and pray that Quayle moves along soon,” said the staffer. “We sent him an email pointing out that Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum could all use Mr. Quayle's endorsement far more, and that Mitt doesn't need the extra help. We only hope [Quayle] knows how to check his email, and that we didn't use any big words that might throw him off.”
Some analysts, however, viewed Dan Quayle's endorsement offering as a godsend. “Romney has always struggled with the ignoramus vote,” explained one Fox news pundit. “Bachmann, Perry, and Cain were able to supply healthy doses of stupidity to their campaigns, and that's what Romney was lacking. Dan Quayle is sort of like the grandfather of the less intelligent elements of the GOP vote. Remember when he said that `Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and her child?' There are trendsetters, and then there's Dan Quayle!” - Return to Previous Page
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